Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Mom Guilt

Okay, as much as we all like to think so, none of us are perfect Moms. Some of us are pretty awesome at it, but it's an art, not a science, isn't it?

I've been feeling guilty about daycare. Here's the thing - Duncan loves to go. He puts on his shoes (boots) and jacket, waits at the door "Alright! Let's go!" I drop him off, get a quick hug and he is gone. So I know it's not like I'm sending my child to some place he dreads.

But as I have this year off work, I'm still sending him 2 days a week, and I feel like I'm cheating. Isn't it though? Everyone tells me how smart we are to still send him - gives me a break, he gets to play with his little friends, and from the practical stand point, it's keeping his spot in daycare until I go back full time next year.

But isn't this the easy way out? Am I cheating? I love him, and I love the time I spend with him. I think staying home full time with your kids is a lot more work, and so am I less of a Mom, or a cheating Mom for sending him, and enjoying that I can get stuff done, and not worry about him two days a week? I'm grateful to live in a country where the gov't sends us money each month to help with daycare costs (which makes this possible). However, it still feels like the easy way out.

Full time stay at home Moms - I'd love for you to chime in. Be honest - am I being "smart" or am I "cheating"? Just looking for a bit of a thought/direction/input.


Anonymous said...

I do not think it is good or bad, but potentially appropriate. Forget the fact you are not working and he is in care, it also will allow you a couple days a week to devout time to Bean without having to satisfy the needs of Duncan or worry about jealosy or anxiety. And Duncan will be none the wiser and appreciate and enjoy the time he does get with you.

You worry about too much...

AndreaD said...

It might be good to also have a time for you and Duncan without Bean - just some special time for Duncan and mom once a week.

Laura said...

Having been a full time stay at home mom and a full time work outside the home mom - I say "Keep sending him to daycare!" The time he spends at daycare is time well spent, he learns the social skills he will need to succeed in life. He will learn to play nice, stick up for himself, sit nice at circle time etc etc. And when he gets to preschool and kindergarten, he starts with those skills! If he was a bit older and this was preschool - you would be happy to send him off.

I think that Duncan is one lucky kid, to have parents that are willing to shoulder the expense of keeping him in daycare during your leave. A new baby is going to be a huge adjustment and the daycare is something he is used to and is part of his routine. To have 2 days of daycare - time with his friends and caregiver - knowing that at the end of the day his parents will come and get him! That rocks!

So take the guilt and toss it right back from whence it came .... (the pit of Hell) and remember .... you are an awesome MOM!

From one imperfect but equally awesome Mom! LOL

Jill said...

I think you have a brillian set up that works for your family and serves everyone's needs. Keep it up

Nancy said...

I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about.